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Bomb Shelters In Day Care Centers Is Not Normal.

16 Nov

“The day care has added a new bomb shelter inside the infant room,” my daughter told me as she was describing the day care center she is planning to use for our Israeli grandchild.  I gagged when she told me.  She had a giant smile on her face, impressed that an outside donor made the effort to keep the up to 17 infants in this center safe.  Before this specific bomb shelter was built, she informed me that the day care providers would have to run and grab all the babies and get them to the shelter that was in the area near the toddlers. Now it will be so much easier to get the babies to safety! UGH.

I guess it is a matter of prospective.  The idea of a bomb shelter in the infant room is great if you are constantly under bombardment.  Thus, I agree having this room right near the infants is wonderful.  My gag was in response that my grandchild has to be in a day care center with bomb shelters.

 In fact, my gag went father then that.  When we finished our call, I ate six Oreo peanut butter chocolate cookies.  I have not eaten six cookies at once in over a decade or more.  But today in an moment of anxiety, I snarfed them down, not even realizing I ate so many till I looked at the new box of cookies and realized how many were gone.  It will take me a week to work off these six cookies.  But then it will take me forever to come to terms with my grandchild in a day care that has two bomb shelters.

It was bad enough that my daughter gave birth while the Houthis launched a ballistic missile to Israel. We had to take cover in the mamad, while my daughter labored in a birthing room that was also a bomb shelter. (See blog below.) They were safe, we were safe, but it really it was indicative of the Israeli lifestyle.  Just keep living around the sirens.  But is it really ok?  NO, I don’t think so.

I am so frustrated with the constant denial of what the Israelis have endured for the almost 80 years of the country’s existence.  Constant wars, attacks, barrages both military and in media.  I feel like I am living in a split world where reality doesn’t quite reach into the world of Israel. 

But then do the Israelis realized how much they should be suffering with all these attacks? Who knows?Israel still ranks in the top ten of happiest nations in a global survey. This past March it scored as the eighth happiest nation. (As per the World Happiness Report, see link below.)  Israel was fifth last year.

Finland, Denmark, Iceland, Sweden, Netherlands, Costa Rica and Norway are the only countries that were happier.  And having been in Iceland, Denmark, Sweden, Finland and the Netherlands, I understand. When it is that cold, you just look at the world a different way.  As I learned in Denmark.  “There is not bad weather, there are only bad clothes.”

Perhaps in Israel it is “If you did not die, then it is okay!”   I am getting sick of living in the world expressed by comedian Alan King’s joke about Jewish holidays, “They tried to kill us. We won. Let’s Eat.”

I recently met with two Israeli women who are traveling in the US to raise funds for schools for Moslem and Jewish children.  We talked about the atmosphere in Israel.  I said I think everyone in Israel has PTSD.  The Moslem woman disagreed. She thinks everyone in Israel is still in the trauma stage. That they just are so used to being in this state that they don’t even realize it is not a normal way to live.

Israel has changed since October 7.  The atmosphere is better since the return of the last of the living hostages.  But the angst remains. How can it not.  So many young people have been murdered.  So many horrible stories of what happened. So many unable to bear the burden they have from surviving. Those that died by suicide are also victims of Hamas.

I was in Israel in November 2022. It was really a joyful place to be.  The horrors had not yet occurred. The economy was booming. Tourism, tech companies, industry, agriculture, construction, life was good.  I have been back twice this year. Tourism is down.  Agriculture and construction have fewer employees so buildings stand with quiet cranes and volunteers pick the crops.  But still there was always hope that the hostages would come home. 

I went in May just before the war with Iran.  I heard the bombers flying overhead.  I had four trips to the bomb shelter.

I went in July and August.  After the destruction of Hamas, Hezbollah and Iran’s missiles and drones.  I only had one trip to the bomb shelter.  Those Houthis!

Now that the hostages are home, I want it to end.  I do not want my infant grandchild to have to be protected by a bomb shelter at day care.  I do not want any child to have to grow up in a world where they do not realize that having a safe room in their home is normal. No child anywhere should live this way. It is not normal.

https://data.worldhappiness.report/table
Air Raid Sirens Are Not the Music to Labor Through!

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Jew: The Original Doomsday Preppers

16 Jun

 It has been a crazy three days.  It has been stressful and at times unreal.  But what I do know is that I am a mother of a daughter and son-in-law who live in Israel.  More than that I am the mother of a woman who is 8-months pregnant.

My friends and family know that I am anxious, stressed and somewhat neurotic right now. They are reaching out with support and love. I am trying to continue with my daily life, but no matter what I do, my brain and my heart are in Israel. 

I feel like I need to share, to vent, to emote, at times to scream.  I mean, really!  I was just in Israel. How could this happen!  I HAVE to get back to Israel in six weeks!

Even my cousins who live in Israel or have their own children in Israel have reached out to me.  One cousin,  originally from Wichita, asked if I was okay.  She told me that her mother needed tranquilizers during the Gulf War. Makes sense to me.  Aunt Barbara I understand your angst now!

 Then another cousin, who I also saw in Israel, and who recently became a grandmother for the second time, texted: “Stay strong.”  My response, “I am trying!  You too!”  She is so Israeli. Her response “Children are strong. They are lions. And we are all warriors!”

I used that line this Shabbat when I was asked to read the Prayer for Israel.  I told everyone to remember we are all warriors! 

We will survive, as we always do.  I believe that. In the last two years its especially important to believe.  WE cannot cave to hate.

My daughter recently helped me see the reality.  We communicate several times each day now.  This What’s App Chat was classic. 

I start off:  “Perhaps when you are in the mamad (bomb shelter), you should stay away from the window.    (Back story: When they purchased this apartment she told me, “You will be happy to know the apartment has a bomb shelter.”  My response, “I am happy it does, but sad it has to have one.”  Now I really am happy snd extremely sad.)

“No one who was in a shelter died,” my daughter typed. “And Home Front Command specifically said that the number one safest place to be is in your mamad.  So that is where I will be.”  (There have about 30 who have died so far and hundreds who have been injured.)

“My heart hurts that you and all of Israel have to go through this. But especially pregnant women. (Okay I should have said children as well.).”  Then she informs me that one of her WhatsApp group of pregnant woman gave birth on Friday.   Both are fine.  But oy vey what a day.  So as a mom I typed (as if I had any control) “Wonderful! But best not to go into labor during a missile attack.  Just remember that.”  I got a thumbs up and “Yeah not Ideal.”

In Kansas people go into labor during tornados and snowstorms. It snowed the day she was born. But somehow giving birth during a bombing seems wrong.

The conversation continued as we got into what I call the immigrant response that was handed down from her great grandparents. My grandparents were both from Europe. They kept jewels, gold and money hidden in the basement. My siblings and I inherited a lot of jewelry. I keep my share in the bank. But we know it is there if needed.

Don’t worry is her usual response.  But this time it was a little different.

“Passports and jewelry are in the mamad as well,” she tells me. “A friend and I were talking about the first things to go into the mamad and I was like passports and jewelry.  Then came food. Then extra clothes.” (This is what I call European Jewish escape response.). I added, “What about water and a pot to pee in.” (Someone had to remind them.)

“Then I was talking to another friend and her German boyfriend,” she typed.  “I said something about diamonds, and he said “NO, Gold is better.”  I said, “ok, I guess a real German would know what bribes Germans were most likely to take so I’ll be sure to include gold.  Not that Germans are the problem right now.”  (Definitely Shoah inspired response based on knowledge about our family who was murdered and those that survived.)

I told her I was sad that she had to think about what she needs to keep in the mamad. 

“It is sad, but it’s also kind of our history.  Jews – the original doomsday preppers,” she typed.  “Gotta be ready to escape and bribe your way to safety.”

Yes, true, I wrote. But at least you have a shelter. I have to think of what Hamas did to the Gazans. Tunnels just for militants, the rest left to suffer the consequences of wars Hamas starts.

Unfortunately, perhaps it is our millenniums of dealing with hatred that has made us able to survive.  Perhaps being the original doomsday preppers is good.

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Little Tikes Purple Princess Cars Are Needed

1 Jun

Years ago, I wrote a blog about my daughter’s purple princess Little Tikes car and how much it meant to her to have it returned to our family after 17 years being loved by another family.  (See blog below.)

I thought that was the end of my need to comment about this car. I was wrong.

Recently I received a message from a man in the United Kingdom who was looking for that very same Little Tike’s purple princess car as his daughter had loved hers as well, and he now had a granddaughter he wanted to have the same experience.  He asked if he could buy my car.

I told him I felt his pain, but since I had a family member who was loving it, and I had promised my daughter to never give that car away again, I could not help him.

He was happy I had someone enjoying it, and that he would continue his search!

When I told the story to my daughter, she had a different point of view.  “Mom,” she said, “Maybe you can start a campaign to connect people with purple cars.” 

Maybe I can!!!  What a great idea!!! I like doing things to make peopel happy. This could be one of those callings.

I have two thoughts.

First:

 If you have a little Tikes purple princess car, or a pink one, please comment on this blog.  If you are looking for one of these cars, please check this blog and comment!

I am hoping I can help all people who love these cars find new homes for them with loving children. 

Second: 

Little Tikes are you listening?  People want to have this lovely Purple Princess car.  Perhaps you can start making it again!!!

In our home the Purple Princess Car will always be loved. So Little Tikes, I am sure it will be loved by families everywhere.

PS: I did contact Little Tikes and had a nice conversation with a representative. She sadi: Wewill certainly pass your request on to our Marketing Team for consideraton. Thank you for shairing and loving our product.”

In response to my saying that the purple princess car has such personality. She responded. “It does. Itwas called the Model T.” And added that her son loved it as well!!!

The Purple Princess Car is Home!

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How A Mother Suffers

1 May

“How a mother suffers!” My mother would moan every so often when one of us got sick, or misbehaved, or had an accident.  Sometimes she would say it in jest when we were all teasing her.

How a mother suffers.  These are words that take on so many more nuances when your child lives in a war zone.  Or when your child is called up to serve in the military. Or when your child is hurting.  My mother-in-law would say, “You are only as happy as your most unhappy child.”  That is also true.

In the past two years I have gone from the highs of motherhood to the lows.  And as a mother I am suffering a bit.  I say a bit because I know there are parents who are suffering way more than I am.  There are mothers whose children are forced to fight for their country against terrorists.  There are mothers of children who are taken hostage and have not seen them for six months.  There are mothers of children in Gaza who have perished as Israel fights for its existence and Hamas refuses all negotiations, using the people of Gaza and the hostages as shields.  Forcing many more mothers to suffer.

My suffering is minor compared to theirs.  But it still resonates in my heart.  When I get off an airplane and turn my phone on to a multitude of messages, including one from my daughter saying, “We are fine. We are in our safe room (bomb shelter).”  When I see the news that Iran is bombarding Israel with 340 missiles, drones and bombs.  When I feel that rise of panic and bile in my throat because I honestly do not know if she is safe.

Too many times in the last 12 years I have woken up to the same message. “We are fine, we are in our safe room.”

Hamas has been targeting Israel with bombs all these years.  Every year, every month, 100s and 1000s of rockets. Because their aim is the total destruction of the state of Israel and the death of all Jews.  All Jews.   And when Hamas is not bombing from the south and west, then Hezbollah bombs from the north. And their rockets are move sophisticated.

Now I see college campuses with ignorant students calling out “We are Hamas. Free Palestine. All Zionists should die.”  Without ever mentioning the fact that Hamas started this war. That Hamas raped, murdered and brutalized 1000s of people. That Hamas took hostages. That Hamas send over 20,000 bombs into Israel. That Hamas does not really care about their own people feeling that they should be martyrs to the cause. Hamas leaders have actually said this! Definitely not mothers.

This mother, who has a master’s degree in journalism, suffers when she sees that the media does not report equally on what Israel has suffered giving more coverage to Gaza.  That the media uses information provided by Hamas to report on what is happening.  That they believe the lies of Hamas, which we have seen over and over again. And when found in a lie, then puts the truth buried on back pages and not the front pages where they put the lies. When they report what Hamas says and not what Israel says.  I find this type of media coverage despicable. And I wonder what happened in the world that the news is so biased. What happened to reporting equally on both sides and not putting personal opinion or bias in the reports.  There are members of the news media who turn my stomach, I can’t imagine why they are allowed on the air.  The BBC is one of these media outlets who actually fired some of their so-called reporters because of their biases.

I think of October 7 and the mothers that I know who really suffered.  I think of my daughter’s friend whose cousin was murdered at the Nova festival.  Three girls went together and only one survived.  The one who survived only did so because she hid under the bodies of the DEAD.  The last time Jewish people had to do that was in the Shoah.

How a mother suffers!  She suffers through the suffering of her children.  She suffers through the suffering of the mothers she knows.  She suffers from the callousness of others who say thoughtless words.

This mother is angry that any mother has to suffer.  But is also angry at the mothers who did not teach their college-age children about right and wrong.  Did not teach them that terrorist groups are not the heroes, they are the villains.  A sovereign country has a right to exist. And through all the suffering initiated by Hamas, we will survive. 

A mother suffers.   A mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child.  Many times a mother suffers in silence, not wanting their children to know how much they hurt and worry about them.  But this mother is strong, supportive and will survive and can speak out for what is right. 

 I say Israel has a right to exist.  Hamas is a terrorist group whose goal is destruction. No mother should have to suffer because Hamas/Hezbullah/Iran started a war. Anti Semitism is alive on college campuses and in the news media.  We all have to speak out. Enough is enough.

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Serenity and Light Returns

21 Jan

Serenity and peace.  No anxiety before I went to sleep last night for the first time in four years.  No fears of what would be tweeted out during the night or what further evil words would come from the mouth of the man who was supposed to be America’s uniter, but instead worked his best to be our divider. Perhaps once again there would be light in our world.  In my religion we are told to be a light among the nations. But for some time, people of all faiths were forgetting to be that light.

Serenity and peace.  After a January 6 like no other in my lifetime.  I have seen much pain as I have matured.  The horror of September 11; the fear of polio when I was a child; the destruction of the Challenger in 1986 and later the Columbia in 2003; the assassination of presidents and leaders, riots and protests against the Vietnam War and the killings of innocents.

I have watched the USA reach for the stars and land on the moon and watched disaster in the skies.   I have watched for years as the World Trade Towers be built as a child living on the New Jersey Palisades and watched them destroyed within hours.  I have joined the lines of children who received their sugar squares soaked in vaccine to keep us safe from the Polio pandemic, and now I await my own vaccine. My husband, a hospital-based physician is getting his second vaccine today. I have mourned the deaths of those who died too young.

But I never, in my life, expected to see our country ravaged by its own people, chanting, “Hang Mike Pence,” our vice president, all the in the name of making our country great again.  The desecration of our Capitol was horrifying. Even more so with a president and his son and lawyer urging the crowds on to do violence. 

What happened to my America — The land of the free, the land of the brave, the land of immigrants? The country that opens its doors to the opposed, Instead became the oppressors to waves of immigrants, separating children from their families.  Bringing images of my own family and its horror in the Shoah!

As a parent and teacher, one action caused me to fail a student and punished my child.  LYING. To my children I said, Tell me the truth.  If you lie, the punishment increases.  I will not have lying.  To my students, I wanted truth.  Do not cheat on a test. Do not copy someone else’s work.  If you are having an issue, let me know in advance.  But if you lie, you will fail that assignment. 

Lying is what I hate the most.   So the lies, the big lies that came from powerful people trying to destroy our country, trying to destroy our election, disgusts me.  I have so much respect for those who finally stood and said NO to the liar in chief. How can we teach our children not to lie, if the president and those in power lie?

With all that in my mind, I was a bit fearful for the inauguration. Would the domestic terrorists strike again?  What other evil deeds could the prior president do?  Would the new administration say the right words in our time of need?

Thank you God for answering and for giving words to the President, to the Vice President, to the young poet laureate, who graced the stage with her poem.  There was joy in ceremony.  There was unity.  There was a plea for peace for coming together, for being one country again.

I watched a press conference where there were no demeaning words and lies told to the public.  This was important to me as both a journalist and someone who hates lies.  It was almost relaxing to watch!

Last night I went to sleep without dread and this morning I woke up to a new USA. To a return to sanity. As Amanda Gorman said so wonderfully, “There is always light. If we’re brave enough to see it. IF only we’re brave enough to be it.”

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Kindness Will Heal the World

21 Dec

In April, after I had moved into my new home, I needed something to do other than unpack and feel panicked about the pandemic. I decided to take online classes, I chose the website Coursera. I started with the most popular course of all, Dr. Laurie Santos’ the “Pyschology of Wellbeing.” Dr. Santos teaches at Harvard University.

It was fantastic.  Her theories and work in positive psychology just touched my soul.  Because of the class, I started keeping in a nightly journal where I recorded each night one thing I savored, one good deed I did and three things that I was grateful for that day.  Her class focusing on learning to appreciate what we have and the importance of friends, family and memories only emphasized something I already knew and what she taught:  travel and seeing the world, making good memories,  was much more important than buying things.

But the most important point was the emphasis of kindness.  I always believed in doing a good deed every day, but according to the class the research has shown, that people who do good things for other people feel much better than those who do not. And they feel better for a longer time than just getting a good job and a pay raise.  Doing good, being kind, is the most important for happiness.

I started listening to her podcast, the Happiness Lab.  I also joined the Facebook page devoted to Dr. Santos’ lessons, The Happiness Lab Classroom.  In this time of stress and uncertainty and physical distancing, it helps to focus on the good.

I followed up that class with one called “Resilience Skills in a Time of Uncertainty.”  This course also focused on the theories of positive psychology. The instructor this time was Dr. Karen Reivich, who is the Director of Resilience Training at University of Pennsylvania.   Her lessons built on what I learned in Dr. Santos’ course.  Some of it was rehashing the same information.  But it reinforced and emphasized how to help yourself feel better.  For me,  what I learned, is that you do that by doing good.

After taking this class, I changed my journal entries.  I now write five things I am grateful for each evening.   What has this done for me?  Instead of going to bed worried about the world, the pandemic, the election, the craziness going on, I think about what I am thankful for and the good that I see.  It really makes all the difference.

What else has it done for me?  I was always a charitable person, but my husband and I have upped our donations especially to food pantries and organizations that do direct aid.  I have written letters to and called people who I think need a boost.   I have tried to let my friends know how much I appreciate them. I am focusing on doing at least two good deeds of kindness each day.  Kindness with conviction.  I would rather focus on that then being upset or annoyed.

I am also trying to watch more uplifting programs.  Forget all the gloom and doom movies and documentaries.   This led me to watch the most magnificent documentary about doing good I have ever seen.   I suggest everyone watch The Antidote.  I cried tears of joy throughout the movie as it tells the stories of nine people and organizations that help others in the most sensible and good ways. 

Every one of these programs should be followed throughout the country.  There were three that truly touched my heart. At Bridge Meadows in Portland, Oregon, foster care children and their ‘adoptive’ families live in a community with seniors.  Watching them interact brought joy and tears to my heart and eyes.

In Sullivan County, New York, the Center for Discovery, was amazing.  Since I spent every summer for over 25 years in Sullivan County, I was stunned to find out about this wonderful educational program and home for children and adults with complex disabilities.  And wonder of wonder, a friend of mine’s uncle spent most of his life here.  I am so impressed.

A nurse and doctor in Boston treat the homeless.  The doctor goes out into the streets to find people and care for them.  The nurse encourages into her clinic, where they soak the feet of the homeless who learn to trust them to get the care they need.  Wow.  Just watch.

The other six programs were wonderful as well.  Watch this movie.  Currently it is on Amazon Prime. If you want to bring some joy into your life and learn about more ways to help others.  Watch it.

Kindness is what will heal our world. Listening to others.  Being a friend. Appreciating what we can and helping others, in my mind, can make such a difference to the divide that is now hurting our country.  

Every human being deserves to live a life to the fullest of their abilities.  This documentary shows us how.

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Serious Pandemic Estate Planning

25 Nov

My husband and I recently updated our estate plan.  We have done this several times to keep things updated to the age of our children and our situation.  The last time we did it was when our youngest child turned 21.  He is 30 now, and our daughter is married.  It was definitely time.

Because we are now in our mid 60s and there is a COVID pandemic, it made sense to make sure we had all our financial arrangements organized, and our living wills and power of attorneys updated. Several people I know did not have plans, and upon their death, complications occurred. I like to be organized!

Our attorney told us that we were not the only ones thinking about estate planning.  Actually, many people are worried and so are doing what we did, updating or starting a new will or trust. (See article below.)

I did not want to leave my children with a mess.  My father and mother were in the process of updating their wills, when my Mom died suddenly.   My father never completed the changes he had planned because then he became ill and died.  I did not want my children to have the long-term situation we had as we navigated through some issues. 

Our biggest crisis came because of a donation to charity.  My parents were not specific.  And this caused a battle between the charity and the State of New Jersey.  The charity wanted the money used as they wanted it to be used.  The State of New Jersey wanted the money to be used only in New Jersey.  We really had no control over this mess as the state and the non- profit battled it out.  Just to let you know, New Jersey won.

Thus, we will not be leaving any money to a non-profit in our estate planning. We set up a separate Donor Advised Fund years ago, our donations will continue to go through that fund, we will make decisions while we live.  I do not want to leave it to lawyers to determine what we wanted. Everything we put in our estate plans is specific!

Almost all of the planning was done through email and phone calls.  This actually was not unusual nor due to COVID. Each time we updated our documents, we used phone calls and email! It took several months to get all the documents completed. Then we had to sign and date all the documents: trust, power of attorneys for health and finance, and the very important living wills that outlined how we wanted our health care to be completed as we neared death.  We are strong proponents of no feeding tubes and to have a DNR order, Do not resuscitate, as we near death.  For this we had to go to the lawyer’s office for the witnesses and notary to do their jobs. 

Last week we completed this final task to get our estates updated and ready.  Not that I am planning to get sick and die, but I am a bit OCD, and I want everything in order.

However, I was not prepared for what our lawyer told us after everything was signed and the notary and witnesses left the room.

To be honest, we have been using the same estate attorney for 25 years.  When we started working with her, she was the newest attorney in this company’s estate department, she now chairs it.  I can honestly say, she has NEVER said this to us before.  We were in our mid 50s last time.

What did she say that startled me? That caused this emotional outburst?

She basically said the following:  When the event of first death occurs, the surviving spouse needs to contact us and provide us with the original signed copies of the will and estate plans of the deceased spouse.  We will then need to re-evaluate the estate of the surviving spouse. 

These are not her exact words, but they are her meaning. One of us would die, and we needed to be prepared.  WOW!

There were a few other instructions, like taking a picture of our living wills and keeping them on our phones in case we ever had to go to an emergency room!  It is actually a good idea.  I already have photos of our medicines on my phone.  But now I will have our living wills on my phone as well.

After we left the office, I turned to my husband and commented on all these instructions. He, of course, was pragmatic.  We had to know.  And I guess we do. 

I turned 65 at the start of this year and did not feel old. But in March I found out that the pandemic is worse for older people of my age. And now I am aware that I could die. And I need to have everything ready for an emergency room visit and for the death of the first spouse.  Sigh.  Being organized is a good thing, however sometimes it is a bit depressing.

No matter the tiny bit of ambivalent feelings, I am glad that we did some serious pandemic estate planning.

https://www.law.com/texaslawyer/2020/07/26/covid-19-has-increased-demand-for-estate-planning-heres-how-to-do-it-right/?slreturn=20201024104622

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Downsizing After 35 Years

5 Mar

It has been a wacky five weeks in my life, which has left me without the energy to write. But finally, I think I can articulate my mixed-up emotions. We are moving. Leaving the only house we ever owned. Leaving the house that we brought both our children home to. Leaving the neighborhood we have lived in for 35 years.

And it is my fault!

I told my husband several years ago that we needed a smaller home. We needed to be living on one level. That he needed to stop mowing the lawn, raking leaves and shoveling snow. It was part of my wise aging plan, we would chose! Last summer he acquiesced. In August I started the search for a reverse 1 1/2 story that had some maintenance free accommodations. At the end of a January I found the house.

Bringing my husband to see it when he was not feeling well might not have been fair as he lay on the floor of the empty great room and told me if I love it get it. But I took him at his word. Also he knew I had seen a multitude of homes before getting that feeling of home I felt in this one.

The house became ours on March 2. Before that was inspections, arrangements for buying, and me coming down with the flu even though I had the flu shot this year as always. The flu for me is always horrific! And this was the same. Five days of fever was followed by an unhappy asthma attack. I have basically been feeling ill for over three weeks. But a second round of steroids seems to have finally moved me forward from my malaise.

But all this has been happening as I started packing for the move while I, along with my husband and children began sorting through the shrines of this home and discarding pieces of the past. My son comes when he is not working to clean out his room and his stored items in the basement. He and his girlfriend are also searching to buy a home. They will take some of the furniture and items that are not moving to our new home.

What my current house looks like

My daughter, who lives overseas with her husband, surprised us on her birthday showing us her ticket home. She arrived two days later for 8 days of intensive sorting. She and I went through our immense library of books, taking just 40-45 boxes and leaving the rest behind.

My children and I went through the house with different color tape as we chose art work. I had first choice, but then they chose what they liked. My heart swelled as the amicably made their selections. I thought how happy I was to do this with them while I was alive and could see what they liked and how well they got along. That is a parents joy. And after cleaning out my parents’ homes after they died, I was determined to make it easier for my children!

At the same time, we were finding paint samples, running to plumbing stores and remodeling companies as we planned the updates in the new home. And I was still dealing with my asthma. I think I was in a state of suspended reality the entire time. She also packed up her entire room, while also ridding it of the residue of her 34 years. She came with three empty suitcases that flew back across the Atlantic and Mediterranean filled with pieces of her life. When she left, I felt a bit bereft, but thankful she came.

But finally this morning I woke up after sleeping an entire seven hours feeling like I could really breathe! Our new house has a swarm of workers busily updating. Yesterday nine people were painting, hammering, removing, and updating. And with the painters painting away, new hardwood floors are being installed, the electrician fixing all the issues, the plumber ready to come, the alarm company updating, the tree service and roofer and gardener all set up, I can relax. All I have left to do is to keep packing and sorting. I honestly cannot have an outside company pack. Downsizing means things have got to GO!

Pre work great room
Carpeting gone.
Floor going in.
You can see the new color off to the left!

However, I have to admit one more event probably eased my anxiety. I was supposed to go on a mission to Europe with a group. I did not fear getting ill, but the timing was so bad with the move less than a month away. And I would be gone a week as the remodeling continues. I woke up at 4 am each morning uneasy. Going through all that still needed to be done at home, while at the same time trying to get my work completed at my job. High anxiety on top of excitement. On top of trying to breathe. But yesterday the trip was postponed due to the Corona virus. It actually is a relief!

I am thankful for my friends and family who have pitched in to help! Our realtor, who has been in our lives for over 25 years, has gone beyond her role to help me in the remodeling. My walking artist buddy has Helped me chose colors. My son’s girlfriend, with her great mind for detail, was with me during the inspections. Offers of help to pack. Allowing me to put some of our extra trash in their garbage cans for pickup. Looking through things as I try to decide what to keep. And being there. My husband and I are blessed with family and friends.

Some give away stories. My daughter and I found a box of remnants from my son’s bar mitzvah. Kelly green visors with the word celebrate imprinted. We first thought trash. But then I thought friend. My walking buddy teaches catechism at her granddaughters’ school. Would they like 100 Kelly green visors for St Patrick’s Day. They are donated and at the school ready. And our 100 extra Kippur from our children’s b’nai mitzvot and friends’ life cycle events are at our synagogue in the kippa box where they are being used for services. Other items are also finding new homes. Sleeping bags we no longer use are going to the homeless through a friend’s church ministry. A Halloween ceramic plate is going to a friend who loves that holiday. And my daughter’s 25 year old Barbie camper is going to a friend so her two granddaughters can play with it. I love seeing our cherished items get a second life!

But most of all, for me, I am happy that I finally had the energy to write.

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Bells Chiming Make Me Feel Better

15 Jul

When I was a child, and home sick, my mother would give me a little bell to ring if I needed her.   My brother and sister also had the use of the bell when they were sick.  I loved that bell.  I knew as long as I had that bell, my Mom or my Dad would come into the room and make me feel better just by being there. Its sound brought me comfort.

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Space shuttle bell on the left; Tinkerbell bells in the back.  Chilean bells in the front.

So, of course, when I had children, I also wanted them to have a special bell to ring for me.  I tried many.  For my daughter, I tried a little plain bell first.  But the sound was really dull.  With her bedroom upstairs, I needed something that would sound better and stronger.  We found one in Disney World.  A little Tinkerbell bell that was perfect, as my daughter loved Tinkerbell.   In fact, my Dad would call her ‘Tink’ all the time.  Although in reality, she thought she was Tigerlily.  That is a story for another day!

When that Tinkerbell bell eventually broke from use, we purchase a new one. It was not the same for her.  Too bright, not darkened with use.  But luckily, we were able to rehang the original bell, fixing it and reclaiming its tinker.

For my son, I purchased a bell from the Kennedy Space Center.  I am not sure why the space center sold bells, but the sound was good.  Since my son liked space ships and rockets, this bell was perfect for him, with its dangling space shuttle.

Whenever they were sick, I would give each of them their special bell to call me when needed.  Did it always work?  No, not often.  Usually they would just call me, and I would come. But for me it was a comfort to know they had a bell.  In my mind, having a bell was about continuity and love. By giving them a bell, I was giving them the power to bring me to them, like a magical wish.

I always have been attracted to the sound of bells. I love listening to handbell choirs. There was even a Hershey’s television commercial that used chocolate kisses as bells.  I loved it.  So when I travel, if I see an interesting bell, I am attracted to it.    I did fine some lovely bells in Chile a few years ago. To be honest, although they are lovely to look at, they do not sound good at all.   In fact, no bell quite sounds as good as my mother’s bell.

Actually, I have my mother’s bell, so I really need no other.   I believe my Mom brought to me when she came to visit one time because she knew my attachment to it.   I keep it in my family room.

It is a small brass bell, with a bit of red trim, set in a holder.  On the bottom it says “Made In India.”  But 60 years ago, when my mother first had this bell, I do not think there were many things from India for sale in the USA.  I now know that it is called an elephant claw bell, because of the shape of the bottom.   I have seen several similar bells with base for sale on line.  Sometimes they are called “antique ceremonial meditation bells.”

I can see it being a meditation bell, as It has the loveliest of tones. My bell has the same tones as those used by my yoga instructor to indicate the end of class.  But for my bell, when I ring it, my soul and heart returns to those happy memories. And I see my Mom in my mind — my young mom, the mother of three small children.

Another bell was important to my family. We used it only in the Catskills, my Mom and my Grandma used a large metal dinner or cow bell to call us to come in.  The bell hung outside the door of my grandparents’ house, facing the back towards our bungalow.  We had four acres of land including woods, so they often did not know where we, the children, were playing. Sometimes we were at our neighbors’ yards playing. It did not matter, when heard that large bell ringing, we knew to come.

Grandma would also ring that bell when she wanted one of us to come down to her house to get something or do something for her.  My mother would ring to bring us in, yelling our names along with sounding the bell.  It was used daily.  When she had grandchildren, my Mom used the bell to call them in as well.

Th bell is still at our Catskills’ home waiting for another generation to be called. Its loud clanging, not so beautiful in tone, but beautiful in memories.

The sound of bells chiming almost always puts me in a good mood and make me feel better.

 

 

 

https://www.thetabernaclechoir.org/videos/carol-of-the-bells-mormon-tabernacle-choir.html

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pe4IZ7aGikw

 

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A Great Place for a Staycation

8 Jul

I love living in Johnson County, Kansas.  Our county is constantly listed among the most wonderful places to live in the United States.  We have beautiful parks, delightful museums and a multitude of theaters; our schools are excellent.  When my children were little, I often took advantage of the many free or low-cost activities available to keep them occupied.   It is easy to have a staycation, a stay at home vacation,  because there is so much to do.

Even though I no longer have small children, but am not yet a grandmother, I still like doing these fun activities. Luckily for me I have a friend who enjoys these activities as well.  I hope that we never grow up or grow old.  As they say, age is just a state of mind. And we keep exploring.

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In the last two weeks, my friend and I spent an afternoon at the local Deanna Rose Children’s Farmstead.  While there we visited all the farm animals.  But we also walked through the historic sections we were went through an apple orchard, visited a cow barn, spoke to a school marm in a one-room school house, visited a bank and a doctor’s office, went to a mine, visited an Native American encampment,  and entered several shops learning about blacksmithing, ice cream and the general store from the late 1800s to early 1900s in Kansas.

I admit we did not go on the hay ride or the pony rides.  We also did not go fishing or pan for gold.  But we could have!  And I have done some of these activities in the past.

We walked through the lovely gardens.  In some ways it was more delightful than the last time I was there with my friend and her grandchildren.  We did not have to keep track of anyone or find things for them to do.  We just meandered and enjoyed.

About two weeks later, I called my friend and told her we should go to the Johnson County Museum, located in the Arts & Heritage Center. I wanted to go specifically to see a temporary exhibit about The Wizard of OZ.  And for people living in Kansas, OZ and the Wizard are a big deal. This exhibit was from a personal collection of OZ memorabilia.

We did not only go to that exhibit.  We went through the entire museum learning about the history of our community and seeing mementos from the area.  The museum moved to its current location about four years ago.  I had visited the museum in its former location many times with my children, but this was my first time seeing it in its lovely new location.

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The electric house and a period car.

The exciting part for some of the children who were there, was the house in the middle of the museum. One of the first all-electric houses in the county, the house was enclosed inside  the new museum before the new building was completed.  Moving it took over six-hours from its previous location.  I actually enjoyed watching a video about the move.

There was another area called Kid Scape for the children.  My friend and I did not go in to experience the activities and the crafts, but we peaked inside.  I think my friend will be returning with her grandchildren!

The Heritage Center, where the museum is located, was a bustling place.  When we left the museum, we walked over the historical society, although we did not visit the displays as we  were captivated by the sounds of music. In another room, at the end of a hall,  a live band was playing ballroom dance music, specifically a tango.  We watched as about 12 couples danced around the large room.   I might have to come back with my husband one day.  We enjoy ballroom dancing. Unfortunately, he is usually at work on a Friday at 2 pm.

As we left the building, I looked over to where the black box theater is located.  Beginning in the fall, my husband and I will be coming for productions of the Spinning Tree Theatre shows.  We have been season ticket holders for several years and are looking forward to the company’s move to Johnson County.

I think our next adventure is a return visit to the Overland Park Arboretum.  The plants, the art work, and the pond, the train garden, provide a lovely spot to walk.  It will be another fun day in Johnson County.

 

https://www.opkansas.org/things-to-see-and-do/deanna-rose-childrens-farmstead/

https://www.jcprd.com/327/Arts-Heritage-Center

https://jcprd.com/330/Museum/

https://www.opkansas.org/things-to-see-and-do/arboretum-and-botanical-gardens/

https://spinningtreetheatre.com/

https://www.niche.com/places-to-live/c/johnson-county-ks/rankings/

 

 

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