I am almost 70 years old. My Hebrew name is Chava. As I say this to myself, I shiver sometimes. I am the only Chava in my family. It should not be that way. My grandfather’s mother was Chava. She had five children and should have had many grandchildren. At least one girl in each family would have been named Chava.
In the family there were multiple people named Nissan, Moshe, Mordechai, Gital, Cerla, Gimple, Chava. As the next generation goes on, there should be multiples of these names as well. But there are not. There is one Nissan, my son, who is actually named Nissan Mordechai. There is one Gimple, my cousin, who passed away and now his grandson has that name. There are no Cerla or Gital. There are no Shimon or Nuta.
Why aren’t there multitude of cousins with these names? Because they were ALL murdered in the Shoah. There is no one to carry on these names. But we still must remember them.
My great grandmother Chava was 70 when she was murdered by the Nazis. As the world is so crazy with Jew Hatred. As I am turning 70. As my name is also Chava. Should I be afraid? As I read in detail from witnesses about what happened to my great grandmother on the day she died. Should I worry about the hate in the world around me? Could it happen again?
A few years ago, I wrote about the murder of my great grandmother, Chava. I have a book called “The Holocaust and European Societies” that talks about her murder. (See blog below.). The death of my great grandmother is discussed in this book. When I found it, I was astonished. I agonized. What was she thinking as they took her to be killed? Now I know. Is it good that I know? I am really not sure.
When I first started meeting with Izabela S. online, I had no idea how much she would be able to find out. Now, through the work of history profession named, Tomek, who has investigated the death of my great grandmother, I have the testimony of first hand witnesses. I can see in my mind what happened. I can feel her suffering. I thought, should I share this? Should it end with me? Isn’t it enough that I know?
But then I again think about what is happening in the world today, and I think not. I think everyone needs to know what happened to my great grandmother. No one should be able to say, this could never happen. Because it has and it did.
The next question I have to ask myself is, “When Do I Give Up.” That is a question I know my great grandmother faced. Her husband was dead, her children were gone, probably dead. So many of her relatives murdered all around her. The one child she knew was alive, my grandfather and his family, was so far away. Safe, but she would never see him again. And if she lived, would that reunion ever happen.
Before I start, Izabela asked that I not name the Polish people who are mentioned in the testimonies. So I will not name them except for the one I have named before.
This is what happened on the day my great grandmother Chava was murdered from testimony from a trial held in Poland after the war.
The first witness is my relative Zissel Feuer, who has played a part in my families Shoah story for years, because he did survive. Zissel was hiding in the forest of Trzciana.
“I would like to mention that a few days before Goldklang was shot, while I was in the barn of a farmer in Trzciana near the forest, I saw through a crack how Josef S. from Trzciana, together with two other people, were leading Chava Feuer, my aunt; then I heard from someone that Jozef S. was supposed to take Chava Feuer to the village head in Trzciana. The village leader in Trzciana was supposed to give a signal. Then Chava Feuer wsa taken to the German colony of Czermin and handed over to the Germans, who shot Chava.
(Just so his testimony makes sense, A few days later, Zissel heard shots and the sounds of pain, he went to look and saw a man named Jakub Goldklang. He told him that he had given all his property to a Polish man who was supposed to give him food, but instead another man, Josef Sypek, came and shot him. (He is mentioned in the book as well.)
Zissel realized he could not help Jakub so we went back into hiding. )
There is testimony that another man who saw the arrival of my great grandmother to the village head, who knew her and called her by the honorific, Gimplowa (Gimple’s wife).
“Gimplowa,” he said. “Why are you wandering around? Why can’t you hide somewhere in the forest?”
They knew there were Jews hiding in the forests around Trzciana. Some of the Polish people were providing them food, even though it could lead to their deaths. Others were turning them in. This man seems be upset that she is not hiding.
But in reality, it is her answer that breaks my heart. My grandparents always said that she was a very strong-willed person. That I reminded them of her because I don’t back down and I say what I think needs to be said. For me, Chava/Gimplowa’s answer is devastating.
“I don’t care anymore,” she said. “I have already decided on everything and I can’t stand it any longer.”
Where is the line that keeps a person going; that says keep living against that line that is defeated? When do you reach it? It was already April 1943 close to Easter and Passover. She had been hiding for almost two years. I don’t fault her, I feel her pain, but my heart says, ‘If only you had waited a bit longer.’
Another witness, a woman who recognized Gimplowa, saw her being taking away by some men she did not recognize. My great grandmother called out to her by name. and told her: “Stay with G-d.” Can you imagine that you are being taking to your death and you see someone you know, perhaps a friend, and you tell them “Stay with God”. The woman does not answer. She is probably afraid also of the men she does not recognize.
Another witness states “it happened on Maundy Thursday, at 3 pm in 1944. (This is the story that was in the book I mentioned earlier.) Josef S.’s wife called a group of neighbors together and said there was a Jewish woman, Gimplowa, in her house and she did not want to leave. She said, ‘Do whatever you want with me.’ “
Josef’s wife told the villages to do whatever we wanted, to kill her or to take her somewhere, because if the Germans found out and burned the village, she did not want anyone to blame her for supporting the Jews. “So we decided to take her by foot to the village head.”
The witness continued: The village head also did not want any responsibility for her. So he told them to take her to the German colony in Czermin. She did not want to go there, so she said she was old. So they got wagons to take her to the colony and hand her over to the German’s mayor Jukub Hesler. What he did with her, I don’t know, because I didn’t see it with my own eyes.”
He did not know for sure, but he knew. The witness was asked:
Q: Were you aware that you were leading this Jewish woman to her death?
A: Yes, we were aware of it, but we didn’t want to answer to it. So we brought it to the Germans so they could do whatever they wanted.
I know that fear overcomes kindness. But this is just too much for my heart and soul. It’s not our problem, let the Germans handle it. Even though we know they will kill her.
And one last witness to the last years of my great grandmother’s life.
During the German occupation, the Jewish woman Gimplowa was hiding with other neighbors. (So at first they did help her.) But on Good Friday, they were all talking because the Germans had set fire to the town of Bodborz because they believed that the people were hiding Jews there. So a neighbor who was drunk, made the first move to say we must take the woman who was hiding in my house to the village elder. We all supported this motion. And she was taken to the village elder.
How do you decide what is evil. My great grandmother was being hidden and helped through Easter of 1943. But now the Germans were burning villages where they found Jews hiding. So was it wrong of them to turn Chava over to the Germans? I, of course, think so. Why couldn’t they just send her out with some food to the forests?
But my great grandmother said she did not want to leave. I don’t think she wanted to hide in the forest any longer. She was done. She was tired. In my work as a spiritual care volunteer, I have seen what it means when a person tells me that they are very tired. When they are tired of living. When they want it to end.
My great grandmother wanted it to end. She was not in physical pain, but I am sure she was in emotional pain. The only thing I can think and hope is that the Germans shot her in the head and she died quickly.
I have to consider what she was thinking on the way to her death. Was she thinking about all who died in the past three years? Was she thinking about her son and grandchildren in America who she knew would survive. Did that give her a glimmer of joy. She had cared for my mom and my uncle for six months in 1931-32. Perhaps that memory of happy grandchildren helped her on her way to die.
It would be nice to know where she is buried. But I am sure she is in a mass grave somewhere near the town of Mielec or Trzciana. Or perhaps not. I will never know.
Baruch dayan HaEmet. May her name and memory be forever a blessing. May her murder by the hands of those who feared and the Nazis bring some goodness into the world. I carry her memory and name with me for all my life. I hope that as I turn 70, the world veers away from its direction of Jew hatred, or any hatred, and realize we are all one.
(The dates are sometimes a bit off as to when events occurred. There are several different dates for when Chava died. But now we know it was 1943 because it happened after the burning of a certain village.)
zicharonot 