The I Cannot Decide What To Do. Really.

11 Jan

The summer before my mother died (2010) she told me that one of her regrets was losing touch with the family of one of her best friend, Evelyn Daitch (Deutch).   She showed me pictures of the two of them together when they were young women.(I have since found out it was spelled Duetch.)

Evelyn Daitch Manowitz

Evelyn in West New York, New Jersey.  December 1945.

Evelyn married and moved to Texas with her husband, Cy (Seymour) Manowitz. Mom and she kept in touch throughout their lives, until Evelyn passed away in her 50s from cancer. And then Mom lost touch.

She asked me to find Evelyn’s family on the internet. She said, “You know how that internet works. I bet you can find them.” Also I lived in the Midwest, so she thought Dallas, Texas, is close to Kansas City.   I did ask some of my friends who were originally from Texas, if they knew the Manowitz family. But no one did.

Grandma Mom 1945

My Mom in West New York, NJ.  Same day as Evelyn. Note the matching outfits!

Then so much happened. Mom took ill suddenly died. My Dad died nine months later. There were other painful family tragedies. I did not have the energy to even remember this.

So I did not complete this mission.

But recently I have been on a roll completing things my Mom left behind. I finished two afgans she had started. My siblings and I cleaned out both homes. I gave her sewing machine to someone who loves to quilt.

So this weekend, I finally looked at the note that I kept in front of my computer with the family’s names, and went on line. Within minutes, I found Evelyn’s husband in Texas. He is 90 years old.

Should I even contact him? I have his address.   I could send him a letter with a copy of a photo of Evelyn. Or should I let this be? I have fulfilled Mom’s request. I found Evelyn’s family.

Evelyn passed away almost 30 years ago. I am not sure her husband would want a message of love from someone else who passed away.   I am not sure what his mental state is these days. I do not know him.

I have his address.   I have his name. I have at least one photo of Evelyn.

But he is not family. And I really do not want to disturb him with a piece of the past that cannot change anything. My Mom is now dead. She wanted to contact Evelyn’s family when she was alive. She did not know she would become ill.

I think finding Evelyn’s family was the last thing I wanted to do for my Mom. And it is done. I don’t think I have to contact him

But part of me cannot decide what to do….really.

Thanks to members of Tracing the Tribe, I know Seymour passed away over a year ago. But that someone with the same last name lives in his house. So I sent a letter with the copy of the photo. Another TTT member found a nephew on Facebook. So I messaged him. I hope to give this photo to a family member. Thank you all for the help.

4 Responses to “The I Cannot Decide What To Do. Really.”

  1. Amy January 11, 2016 at 2:24 pm #

    FWIW, since my situation is quite different: recently an old childhood friend of my mother found my blog. My mother had asked me years ago (with the same “You can find anyone so find her” encouragement) to find this very friend, but I couldn’t because I didn’t know her married name. Now my mother and the friend have reconnected, and I had dinner with her friend just this past week. (My mother hasn’t seen her since my parents live in NY, the friend in FL.) Well, I loved meeting her and hearing her memories of my mother and my grandparents and aunt and uncle. I know in your situation the two friends are gone, but you never know—you might enjoy meeting the friend’s children and sharing stories, if you know them, about the two mothers as young women. I see no downside, except for the awkwardness.

    • zicharon January 11, 2016 at 2:30 pm #

      I sent a letter to his name and address. Hoping it will get on to their family. Thanks for the support.

      • Jill Maerz August 5, 2016 at 10:45 am #

        Hi. I am Evelyn’s daughter, Jill. What a wonderful and unexpected surprise I had this morning when my nephew, Josh, forwarded your letter and the picture of my Mom. I am amazed that you spent so much time and effort to find us. Love to hear from you. Do you have a way I can reach out to you directly.

      • zicharon August 5, 2016 at 10:53 am #

        Hi Jill. My email.

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