Here in Kansas, in the past six weeks I ave been to a wedding, a funeral, shows at the Dinner Theater, the Jewish Community Center, the symphony at Kauffman Center, and a show that I left at the Midwest Center at Johnson County Community College. I have been to lectures, have lunch appointments with friends, taken bridge classes, yoga classes, played mah jong, went to two seders, saw “Project Hail Mary.”
If anyone would see what my husband and I were doing, you would think that we are having a great time. But it is a false front. Because always in my mind is my daughter, her husband and baby sleeping in a bomb shelter in Holon, just outside Tel Aviv. My mind is with my hundreds of relatives and friends in Rishon LeZion, Tel Aviv, Shiloh, Netanya, Safat, Modi’im, and other areas in Israel.
I am living in a split world. It is not a good place!
My sleep is disturbed. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I check to see if I have a message from my daughter or look to see if there were ballistic missile attacks while I was sleeping peacefully in Overland Park. If I text my daughter in the morning and she does not respond within a few minutes, I text again, “Just say you are yes ok, or no not ok.” Luckily up to now it has been good.
For Pesach, they went to stay with my son-in-law’s parents in Zichron Yaacov. A much quieter spot with very few ballistic missile sirens. They are staying for the week of Pesach. Perhaps longer? It is nice to be away from the constant sounds of war.
But I know people who have not been so good. I know a family whose daughter/cousin/niece, Maya, was murdered at the Nova Festival. A relative’s sister-in-law was murdered on October 7 as well. I know a family whose apartment was destroyed by a ballistic missile, and both of their children are in counseling. Everyone in Israel has some form of PTSD, stress and anxiety. How could they not. This has been going on for over three years. I have a friend here who has not heard from her family in Iran for weeks. Scary times for all.
I wonder if my grandparents lived in this double world during World War II, wondering what was happening to their families in Poland, Germany and Austria, while still living a relatively normal life in New Jersey. For my grandparents, the results were not good. Almost everyone was murdered in the Shoah. In fact, most of those almost 200 relatives of mine in Israel are descendants of five relatives who survived.
I have fears. My doctor told me I have situational anxiety. But it is not only about what is happening in Israel. It is also the hate I see expanding in the world. But not just the horrible anti-Semitism, but also the political attacks on transgender children and adults, the attacks on immigrants and people who are from minorities. I cannot find a topic to focus on when I am trying to get back to sleep.
My patience is running thin. I find it more difficult to focus. And I have cancelled some volunteer activities I thought would help me keep my mind off of what was happening in Israel and the USA. But it did not work out that way. I just could not focus and knew I did not have the energy to complete them.
I have some anger. I went to a concert at Johnson County Community College. It was supposed to be Moroccan, Spanish and Flamenco music. During the first act, the singer said they wrote the following song after helping with Syrian refugees who were fleeing the Civil War years ago. And they feel for all refugees. Then she announced, ‘Free Palestine’ in the Polsky Theater.
Did she realize that it was Israel’s attacks on Hezbollah that has made it possible for Syrian refugees to return to Syria? Did she know that in saying “Free Palestine” she was announcing that to people like me it was as if she was saying it was okay to kill Israelis and Jews, because to Islamic extremist all of Israel is Palestine and all Jews need to be gone and dead is better than alive.
At intermission I went to the manager of the theater. I told her I came to hear music and see dancing so I could relax. I did not come to have a political statement that could mean the destruction of Israel and the death to my family. I told her with all the antisemitism in the world right now, we did not need these statements that had nothing to do with the program. And when I filled out my survey for this show, I would make it clear how I felt.
I told her that this was not the place to have a group make such a political statement, especially since the Polsky Theater was endowed by a Jewish family. To allow them to call for the annihilation of Israel at a theater paid for by a Jewish family seemed really callous. And for those in the Polsky family, especially those I know, I apologize if I went too far. But I was really upset. My calm relaxing evening was destroyed.
I cannot stand much of what is on Facebook and other social media platforms. Many of the comments made on articles not about Israel, but about Jewish life in general, are often hateful and false. I spend much on my online time reporting them. But of course, usually they are accepted by the Facebook community standards. Which makes me think the community standards do not really exist. Facebook needs to have a reboot and go back to being a place for friends to connect. Not cesspool of false information, hate and political crap. I know he is making billions on advertising, but really who wants to really be on it anymore.
Recently the astronauts on the Artemis 2 spaceship posted a photo of the world. And one talked about how from above the Earth is united. I agree with him. That photo once again showed how much we are connected. What happens on any continent impacts all of us. Pollution, war, violence, senseless hatred, all cause pain.
I, along with millions of others, need a break from this double world. So many in misery: Israel, Gaza, Lebanon, Syria, Iran. War is just bad for humanity. I am praying daily for this war to end in a way that everyone can be safe and live in peace. Let us find a way this year, during the time of Pesach and Easter and the recent Eid al-Fitr, as a call for all of us to work together to stop those who seem to want hate and war, and give the Earth Peace.
zicharonot 