This is my diary over the last five weeks of the Israel – Hamas War. There are many more, but I think these do the best to explain my feelings. I already wrote a blog about thanking the helpers. You can see links to this and another blog below.
October 7. 7:30 am
Just spoke to my daughter. They spent hours in their safe room. They are ok. But stressed and distressed. Many Israelis have been killed, hundreds injured, and dozens taken captive. Hamas terrorists surprise attack on the southern areas and bombing of Jerusalem and Tel Aviv.
Hamas and Hezbollah are evil attacking civilians, women, children, Jews and Bedouin. They really don’t care who they kill. This was not an attack on a military area. This was attack on innocents at parties, at home at play.
October 12:
United just cancelled our flight to Israel. Not unexpected. But disappointing for several reasons. First, we do not get to see my daughter and son in law and all the other family and friends we planned to visit. Second because United is even afraid to fly a week from now which increases my anxiety by many multiplication of numeric factors.
In the spirit of the recent high holidays, I say: I am angry, I am anxious, I am not sleeping, I am saddened, I am frustrated, I am frightened. I keep thinking of Yom Kippur and how it is inscribed on who will die and how. And I have a scream that is sitting at the bottom of my throat waiting to come out.
October 18:
At this very moment, 8:39 am, I should be landing in Israel at 4:39 pm. Instead I am home in Kansas.
There is nothing else to say except love and prayers for all my family and friends in Israel who I was hoping to visit.
Family update. They are fine. There has only been one rocket a day for a while. My daughter is extremely busy with her work at CyberWell trying to stem the horrible flow of anti-Israel, anti-Semitic and violence toward Jews content off social media. They had a training for volunteers to help identify some of this. If you would be interested in watching the 50-minute webinar and do something productive. Let Lara or me know. I personally have reported posts to the social media platforms and also to CyberWell. This makes a big difference. If everyone one reported one or two a day we can make a change!!!
October 20
I am thankful that he is president during this difficult time. His support for Israel, his fight against baseless hatred is just what we needed. When I visit my elders, many of whom remember the late 1930s and 1940s and are terrified, I can honestly say this is not the same. The president of the USA and many others in government are supporting us.
October 21
My comment today: Do you think the bombing from Gaza has stopped because all you hear in the news is that Israel is attacking Gaza. Have you heard that rockets are still speeding to Tel Aviv, Yafo, Holon, and Rishon LeZion as well as to the south. Many rockets every day. Today my daughter’s alert told of of the incoming all around her community. It is not over. Hamas is still attacking Israel. There is a reason why Hamas has to be eradicated from the world.
Do I feel badly that children are being hurt. Of course. But I am tired of hearing now that Gaza is without water or electricity. Israel has said, return the hostages and we will turn it back on. Give them back.
I am tired of people saying Israel should step down. You are not under the threat of a bomb landing on your home, you are not attending funerals for people you know or family members, you are not sending you son, daughter, spouse, brother, sister off to battle.
The news media is not only focus on what Israel might do. Giving the impression that in Israel it is peaceful. NO it is NOT. Not on the truth about what is happening. Those who live around Gaza have been evacuated. Those who live in the north are on voluntary evacuation.
Stand up for Israel and the impact of this crisis on the citizens. If you want to be angry, be angry at Hamas for what they did murdering 1400 innocent people in their homes; for knowing that what they would do would impact the innocent people of Gaza; for preparing and protecting themselves from the bombing but not the civilians of Gaza. Be angry at the other Moslem countries surrounding the area that want to escalate the war, be angry at Egypt and Jordan and other countries that refuse to help ease the crisis in Gaza.
This war is not what Israel wanted. This is a war that Hamas started and Hamas wanted. Israel is a tiny country surrounded by large land masses inhabited by Moslems. They have all they and they could want. But what many do want is the total annihilating of Israel.
All over the world people are attacking Jewish people who have nothing to do with Israel. So the people who Chant “Not in my Name” are playing into the work of Hamas and so are also guilty for any more attacks on Jews. It is opening a door for more killing and it is wrong. What they should be saying is return the hostages and stop attacking Israel.
October 23
The false news reports about the hospital bombing which was a failed rocket by Hamas leads to violence against Jews world wide. It is amazing, Hamas attacks Israel and kills 1400 people and wounds over 3000. Sends over 6400 rockets and bombs into Israel and in the U.S. and throughout the world people attack Jews. Attack the terrorists who started this. I am horrified by the hatred.
November 3
I pray each day for the conflict in Israel/Gaza to end. For the Hamas to release the prisoners/hostages and to surrender and face the consequences of their crimes. Hamas has continued to threatened Jews and Israel throughout this month and has continued to send rockets into Israel. They have built tunnels under neighborhoods, hospitals and schools. They have threatened and attacked Israeli communities for decades!
I wish there was an easier way to stop the terrorists then this bombing and siege of Gaza City. But the Hamas has stockpiled rockets and weapons, as well as food, water, oil and other supplies. They prepared for this assault on Israel and the return assault on them without caring about any civilians.
During the attack on Israel, Hamas terrorists cut the supply lines that bring water and electricity from Israel to Gaza. Life means nothing to them until they destroy all Jewish life in Israel.
It is time for the terror of Hamas and Hezbollah to end. For all to face the fact that Israel exists and will not disappear. So that all people in the region can live in peace and coexist, so that children will not suffer and innocent people die on either side.
But the increased actions of Jew Hatred that is now growing throughout the world, actually shows the double standard with which Israel and the Jewish communities face. Israel did not start this. On a holiday weekend, when people were sleeping in their beds, Hamas attacked, murdered, mutilated, took captive and wounded almost 6000 people. Over 1400 dead, 240 captive, over 4000 wounded. those killed were mostly Jewish, but many were Moslem and Beduion. Now in the USA there a large numbers that did not condemn Hamas. That is shocking!
No one wants war. Not in Ukraine; Not in Syria; Not in Sudan; Not in Israel; Not in Gaza. Every life has value: Jew, Christian, Moslem, Bahai, Druze, Shinto, Buddist, Hindu, all religions, ethnicities and races.
Shalom, Saalam, Paz, Paix, Friedan, Pace, Peace!
November 4
This is the message I sent to the International Red Cross:
So far only 4 hostages taken by Hamas have been released. One of the main roles of the Red Cross is to help free hostages throughout the world. I have supported the Red Cross for many years. But the unequal and biased work going on now where the hostages, infants, children, women, men, elderly, are ignored because most of them are Jewish is an affront to all what the red cross is supposed to stand for. SHAME ON YOU! Tell Hamas to release the hostages.
We went to a Havdalah service at Leawood City Hall. After the service we each held the photo of a hostage and then stood in silence for 241 seconds in honor of those held hostage by Hamas.
November 13
A relative’s friend asked me if I at all thought Israel was wrong. Here is my response and it is what I believe.
Define wrong. Is it wrong for Hamas to have come into Israel and murder innocents children, women, men, elderly in their homes on a holiday weekend? Is it wrong for Hamas to build their tunnels and shoot rockets off from hospitals and schools using the children and the sick as shields against others? IS it wrong for Hamas to take the funding and cement and fuel sent into Gaza for the people to continue to create and buy weapons and tunnels to attack Israel? Is it wrong for Hamas to keep the people of Gaza captive for years, because you should know that Israel left the Gaze over 15 years ago and withdrew all their people and turn everything over to the Palestinians who voted to put Hamas in power? Is is wrong that Egypt also has a border with Gaza, but they usually keep their border closed and supply little to no help to the people there? Is it wrong that the surrounding Arab countries have kept the people who fled Israel in refugee camps and refused to intergrate them into society, while forcing out an equal number of Jewish citizens who were integrated into Israel, the USA and other countries? Just asking you how you define wrong.
Israel told people to evacuate, Hamas would not let them. ISrael waited over a week to attack so that people could leave. Israel gave fuel. For weeks we have heard that the hospitals would run out of fuel, they did not. Israel repeatedly told the hospital to evacuate. They did not. They have caved to Hamas demands.
You believe everything Hamas says, even though throughout the world they know they are terrorist. The 27 EU countries have condemned Hamas and supported Israel.
So define who is wrong here. To me it is Hamas. ISreal had no intention of going to war on Hamas till Hamas killed and mutilated over 1200 people. And took 240 hostages. What happened after October 7 is on the hands of Hamas.
This would end if Hamas released the hostages and surrender. Why don’t you call for that instead of condemning Israel?
So who do I think is wrong? YOU and Hamas.
I hope that answers your question.
zicharonot 
I have no words. You’ve said it all. Sending hugs.
Thank you. There is so much more bubbling inside. Writing helps me keep it together.
I agree. I wrote a long thing going back through Jewish and Israel’s history (not in depth, but an outline) from ancient times up to today. Then I wrote a list of questions that I am struggling with in this current crisis. I go back and reread it and think about those questions at least once a day. It’s just for me, not for publication, and it helps me.